God's Will For Your Life

“Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God;

may Your good Spirit lead me on level ground.”

Psalm 143:10

 

                “What is God’s will for my life?” I hear that question a lot, as if it’s an elusive secret guarded by our forefathers of old. I’ve known believers who have traveled around the world and back searching for that answer. Still, there are others, who have “created” God’s will themselves and invited God to join in and bless their life, when in fact it’s their will, not His. 

                Both of those examples are not how God works. He doesn’t hide his will and make us search for it, nor does He want us to do our own will and expect Him to bless it.  God actually has what I call a “primary will” for all of His children as well as a “secondary will”. 

                God’s primary will for your life is two-fold and is the same for all believers; one is that we know Him; the second is that we make Him known (John 21:31;  2 Cor 4:5; Acts 1:8; 1 Tim 2:1-4). The second is contingent on the first. You cannot make Him known if you yourself do not know Him. The second is also an inevitable and natural response to those who genuinely know Him. When you truly experience the freedom, love and grace of Christ Jesus, you passionately desire others to know Him.

                God’s secondary will (as I call it) is different for all of His children, but began before we were even born (1 Th 4:3).  At that time we were sanctified, that is, “set apart for a special purpose” to do His will. God’s secondary will generally include the gifts, talents, and passions of His child. For many of us, these gifts were prominent as children. For example, I’ve always been passionate about writing; I’ve kept a journal since I was eight; I grew up writing screenplays, commercials, books and poetry; and as soon as I was able (in the seventh grade), I began writing for the local newspaper. Nothing makes me happier than sitting before the Lord with a pen and paper in my hands. For others the idea of writing anything would be horrifying. A dear friend of mine is a professor of math at the state university.  Just the idea of balancing my check book overwhelms me. We all have gifts that God intends for us to use for His will; that’s why He gave them to us.

                While it may seem that God’s primary and secondary will as I have explained them are separate, they are meant to work together continually. No matter what your gifts and talents, they are meant to be used in a manner that enhances your relationship with Christ and gives you the opportunity to make Him known to others. It is the world that has separated church from state – not God. This makes God’s will in our life a challenge, but not impossible. We serve a God of miracles and He can create opportunities for us to make Him known. Additionally, prayer is an extraordinary tool for believers to use in asking for such opportunities.

                In closing, let me say that God’s timing is always perfect. He is a God of order and peace. His will in our lives unfolds gently like a rose after the spring rains and in the summer sun. It never has to be forced, is confusing, or excludes His presence or peace. That’s how you can tell if something is or isn’t His will.

Freedom From Shame

 

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 8:32

 

                Shame is the ultimate betrayer; the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of emotions. It will bury you in guilt, smother you in hopelessness, and suck the life right out of you. Many people wear the coat of shame and are controlled by its ruthless games.  Shame is the residual effect of either the harmful behavior of another person (such as an addiction) or through abuse you endured; the rape, sexual abuse, molestation, beatings, and mental and emotional abuse.  It’s that feeling deep within you that echo’s your thoughts that tell you that what happened to you is your fault.  If only I were a better daughter or son…if only I hadn’t worn that skirt…if only I hadn’t of said ‘hi’…if only I hadn’t sat on Grandpa’s lap…if only I hadn’t ticked him off…if only I didn’t go down that street, if only I hadn’t said ‘no’, if only…It goes on forever, blaming you, accusing you, holding you responsible, and refusing to budge.

                Shame has a secret it doesn’t want you to know: you have a choice. You can flank yourself in shame or you can choose to reject it and replace it with truth. The brainwashing that occurred by osmosis after you were wounded must be stood up to. You can do it through the power and strength of the great Physician, Jesus Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells you exactly how to do it. It says; “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”  Simply put, you reject the lie that the abuse that was done was your fault by stopping those thoughts in their tracks and replacing them with truth.

                For those of us who have grappled with the injustice of shame, the truth can be blurry and even unstable.  What exactly is the truth and can I trust it? First of all, although your trust was shattered by others, you can trust God. We call that faith, and it is the combination of two things: belief + trust. If you are a believer, than you believe in God, so you have that aspect down. It’s likely the trust you’ll wrestle with as you heal.  You need to know that faith is an action word. In other words, it requires you to do something; to step out of your comfort zone and put your faith (belief + trust) in God. As we well know, it isn’t the flying on the proverbial trapeze in life that’s hard; it’s that moment in time when you let go and are hanging in mid-air before you grab the other trapeze that’s difficult.  It requires trust. God will be there to catch you every time. I’ve been a believer for almost twenty years and He has never, ever let me fall.

                That being said, the Bible is the believers source of truth and stability. You no longer have to take what someone else has said as truth and wonder compulsively if you can trust them. Just go to the Bible. It has the answer to every question you ask, including what to replace our thoughts with after taking them captive.  Philippians 4:8 tells us; “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”

                Notice the first thing it tells you to think on: the truth. The truth about your abuse is it’s not your fault; you are not responsible for anyone’s behavior but your own; no matter what you said, no matter what you did, the actions of the other person is there’s to own. While these thoughts may be foreign they are life giving, they are truth, and they are healing. Practice speaking  truth to yourself and that coat of shame will fall off of you, never to return.

“But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another,

and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin.”

1 John 1:7

 

                Relationships are vital to our walk in Christ. It is through fellowship with other people that our biblical convictions and God’s commands are either evident or absent. It is with others that we literally “practice” living out the life of Christ and shed the layers of the “old man” that keep us in bondage.

                Every once in a while I’ll hear a believer say something like, “I don’t need to go to church. I worship God in my own way at my own home.” These individuals are missing out on the opportunity to challenge others in their walk with God and vice versa. The Bible calls this process “Iron sharpening iron” (Proverbs 27:17).   If you dig a little deeper in your conversation with these individuals they are usually believers who are hurt, defensive, and shallow in their growth and maturity. Additionally, they are often beat up by the world and the enemy – that’s because lone sheep get eaten!

                We can’t always control who we have a relationship with, but the one choice we do have concerns how we respond to others. Our goal is to represent Christ Jesus in all we say and do. God knows we can’t be perfect and that’s the reason Jesus died for our sins, but we still strive for excellence.  A believer I’ve been counseling recently told me he was being held captive to a specific sin in his life and that he couldn’t find freedom. As a result of his sin, he is tearing apart the lives of many people. His mentality of being held captive is a lie we often convince ourselves. We are not victims of sin – we are conquerors of it in Christ Jesus.

                Ultimately, when the rubber hits the road in our fellowship with others we are responsible for two things; taking care of ourselves while representing Jesus to others. We can do this with integrity in Christ by doing what I call a “moral inventory” in relation to how we have behaved in front of others. Is there someone you need to confess a sin to and ask forgiveness from but fear and pride are keeping you hostage? Is there someone in your life you need to “detach” from who is leading you astray in your daily walk? Is there someone you need to confront in love but your dislike of confrontation is holding you back? Is there someone you’ve been avoiding because of a disagreement from long ago? Is there someone you need to reach out to but you fear rejection? If the answer is “yes” to any of these questions, acting on them could be one of things holding you back from maturity in Christ as well as growth and intimacy with Him.

                If you are unsure of the answers to these questions, pray about them. God is always faithful to reveal to me where I lack integrity, character, or am dwelling in sin in my relationships. Do you know that statistics show that the number one reason unsaved people don’t attend church is because of hypocrisy? They don’t see Jesus in the lives of Christians around them. Remember, whether it’s a believer or a non-believer you’re fellowshipping with, you may be the only representation of Jesus in the flesh to them that day.  

“No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other,

or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.”

Matthew 6:24

 

                When I got saved I lost a lot of friends who didn’t want to be associated with a “Jesus Freak”.  Still, a couple of friends stuck around for the ride; mostly I think to see if the Christian-phase would wear off.  One friend that remained was a guy I’ll call Stephen.  Like me, he was a musician and songwriter and we had spent a lot of time writing music together. He was very talented and together we wrote some great songs.

                When I told Stephen I had gotten “saved” he laughed. Still, he didn’t shy away from writing with me, nor did he change his language or behavior to accommodate my new faith in God. You see, although Stephen had a long-distance relationship, he flirted with me excessively. Apart from that, he cursed like a sailor.  As an unbeliever, when he’d flirt with me, I give it right back at him and we’d banter back-and-forth for several minutes. Now that I was a believer, I got convicted when I flirted with him, so I tried to stop – but it was literally impossible. I’d only been a believer for a short time and I wasn’t strong enough in the Lord to stand against a behavior I’d been participating in for years. Aside from that, Stephen really fed my ego by flirting with me. What was a good Christian girl to do?

                Sometimes, after we become a believer, we have to take an inventory of our friends and family members whose behavior has the effect of controlling ours. If you act different in front of certain people than you do when you’re in church or if Jesus was standing next to you, then you clearly see my point. Of course the Holy Spirit can give you strength to overcome such temptations, but there’s no reason to throw yourself under the bus of temptation.

                As a new Christian I had to learn the practice of “detachment”, that is, separating myself from those who threatened the validity and purity of my walk in Christ. With Stephen, as much as I enjoyed his flirting and songwriting ability, it meant I had to bring an end to the relationship. He was too much of a temptation to me and I found myself acting more and more in my flesh when I was around him.  When I went to the Bible to see what I should do when faced with temptation, it said, “Flee from sexual immorality” (1 Co 6:18).

                In some cases, it doesn’t mean that you have to completely bring an end to your relationship like I did. It may just mean you pray for them and limit the amount of time you do spend with them.  For others, you may have to “detach” for a season until you are strong enough in Christ to stand up to the temptation and not feed into it.  No matter what you do, you can’t have one foot in the world and the other in Christ. God is a jealous God and will not stand for His children to be partially committed. He wants all of you and won’t settle for less.

“Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise

– the fruit of lips that confess His name.”

Hebrews 13:15

 

                Have you ever been talking to someone but you know they aren’t really listening. They may be nodding their head and saying, “yeah” at the right moment, but really they’re looking over your shoulder or they are mentally off into a different world?  Their body may be present, but their mind isn’t?  When that happens to me, I feel unimportant, angry and disrespected, don’t you?

                I remember an experience I had with my friend, Nicol Smith Sponberg years ago when she was a part of a Christian group called Selah.  Nicol and I went to the same church and as we were talking after the service, she said something about worshipping God that I’ve never forgotten and that forever changed the way I viewed praise and worship. She said, “Leslie, you know, it’s just as easy to sing a lie as it is to tell a lie.”  Nicol and I had been talking about being present when we prayed and praised God. Do we just sing the words on the screen without really meaning them all the while thinking about where we’ll go to lunch after church or who the cute guy is three rows up? When we pray do we just repeat words that we memorized as children, not putting much thought into what’s coming out of our mouths? In other words, do we really mean what we’re singing and saying?  Are we even present in the presence of Christ? Is our body there, but our minds elsewhere?

                If Jesus was physically standing before you right now, would you make eye contact and give Him the honor and respect He deserves? Of course you would – and so would I.  When we pray and give praise and worship to Him, the situation is no different. We are standing before the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. If you want to have an encounter with Christ; if you want to experience intimacy and grow in Him; if you desire to know Him better and truly want to experience His power, you must learn to practice the presence of Christ. Take whatever time you need before you pray or before your church service to get rid of all distractions and give God all things on your heart so that when you are worshipping Him you can have a clear mind and mean the words you are singing to Him.  In doing so, you will experience a closeness with God unlike you’ve ever experienced.  

                Since that conversation with Nicol so many years ago, I close my eyes when I sing during praise and worship so I’m not distracted by so-in-so’s two-foot wide hat, or that new outfit my friend has on, or the unruly child next to her.  I also, gulp, sit in one of the front rows to minimize such distractions.  That’s because I want my worship time with God to be uninterrupted, focused solely on Him. Taking simple precautions to protect my time with God have been of great benefit to my spiritual growth over the years, and it will be for you too. Hebrews 13:15 tells us to offer God a “sacrifice of praise” – that is because we must sacrifice our will, our body, soul, and mind that are divided in a hundred different areas and bring them to Him as one in order to praise Him as a whole.  

“Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings

about Christ and go on to maturity…”

Hebrews 6:1

 

                When I became a mother the first time at age seventeen I had no clue on how to raise a child. A year later I had another child and still not much understanding. Being raised in a dysfunctional home didn’t exactly provide me with healthy tools on parenting. Unfortunately, I made some major mistakes. Jump ahead twenty-three years later and I’m a believer, a counselor who has worked twenty years with children, and a new mom of a two and four year old in my forties!  I still make mistakes as a parent, but I’ve learned a lot since my teens due to two important things; knowledge and practice.

                When I became a believer in my mid-twenties, it felt like I’d walked into a different world. I didn’t understand much of what I read in the Bible, had a ton of questions, and sometimes felt disconnected from other believers who seemed to know so much more than I. Many times I wanted to just give-up because I felt so out of place.  Now, nineteen years later, I write books for a living about the Bible and related topics.  That’s a big jump in a short time isn’t it?  I meet new believers all the time that feel exactly the way I did when I first got saved. The key to maturing and growing in Christ is found in the same two things that helped me become a better parent.  As I continued to read the Bible, ask questions of more mature believers, and pray for God to help me understand His ways, I began to “get it”.  And the more I’ve read over the years, the more I’ve continued to grow – that’s because the Bible is a book of never-ending knowledge.  I can reread a passage today that I’ve read for years and get a deeper, more personal meaning than I’ve received previously.

                When you become a Christian you don’t automatically know and understand all there is to the faith. It takes time, practice, perseverance, prayer and God’s strength to help us overcome our old nature and learn how to walk in our new nature. More mature believers need to give them the grace and “room” to make mistakes and the time that’s inevitably necessary for them to grow – just like God gave them as “baby” believers.  The key is not to give up.

                One of the greatest tools over the years that have helped me in understanding the Bible has been a book on customs of the Bible.  In it I learned things like why you don’t put new wine in an old wineskin (because the gases in the new wine expand and will break the old wineskin); I learned the meanings behind the stories in the Bible and in doing so, it helped me understand the stories. An important thing to note here is that I took time and dedicated it to reading and learning.  You can do that through a good Bible Study, a small group, being discipled by a more mature believer and finally, by practicing a daily quiet time.

               The Body of Christ is a group of believers both mature and immature.  No matter where we fit in, we never stop growing and learning, and there will always be room to know more.

“Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God;

may Your good Spirit lead me on level ground.”

Psalm 143:10

 

                “What is God’s will for my life?” I hear that question a lot, as if it’s an elusive secret guarded by our forefathers of old. I’ve known believers who have traveled around the world and back searching for that answer. Still, there are others, who have “created” God’s will themselves and invited God to join in and bless their life, when in fact it’s their will, not His. 

                Both of those examples are not how God works. He doesn’t hide his will and make us search for it, nor does He want us to do our own will and expect Him to bless it.  God actually has what I call a “primary will” for all of His children as well as a “secondary will”. 

                God’s primary will for your life is two-fold and is the same for all believers; one is that we know Him; the second is that we make Him known (John 21:31;  2 Cor 4:5; Acts 1:8; 1 Tim 2:1-4). The second is contingent on the first. You cannot make Him known if you yourself do not know Him. The second is also an inevitable and natural response to those who genuinely know Him. When you truly experience the freedom, love and grace of Christ Jesus, you passionately desire others to know Him.

                God’s secondary will (as I call it) is different for all of His children, but began before we were even born (1 Th 4:3).  At that time we were sanctified, that is, “set apart for a special purpose” to do His will. God’s secondary will generally include the gifts, talents, and passions of His child. For many of us, these gifts were prominent as children. For example, I’ve always been passionate about writing; I’ve kept a journal since I was eight; I grew up writing screenplays, commercials, books and poetry; and as soon as I was able (in the seventh grade), I began writing for the local newspaper. Nothing makes me happier than sitting before the Lord with a pen and paper in my hands. For others the idea of writing anything would be horrifying. A dear friend of mine is a professor of math at the state university.  Just the idea of balancing my check book overwhelms me. We all have gifts that God intends for us to use for His will; that’s why He gave them to us.

                While it may seem that God’s primary and secondary will as I have explained them are separate, they are meant to work together continually. No matter what your gifts and talents, they are meant to be used in a manner that enhances your relationship with Christ and gives you the opportunity to make Him known to others. It is the world that has separated church from state – not God. This makes God’s will in our life a challenge, but not impossible. We serve a God of miracles and He can create opportunities for us to make Him known. Additionally, prayer is an extraordinary tool for believers to use in asking for such opportunities.

                In closing, let me say that God’s timing is always perfect. He is a God of order and peace. His will in our lives unfolds gently like a rose after the spring rains and in the summer sun. It never has to be forced, is confusing, or excludes His presence or peace. That’s how you can tell if something is or isn’t His will.

“Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you;

He will never let the righteous fall.” Psalm 55:22

 

                Have you ever been faced with a problem that you attempt to solve in a way that you’ve always done and it didn’t work?  So then you try the same solution only to do it harder or more deliberately.  When that doesn’t work you become even more aggressive. In the process we get frustrated, try harder, get angry, try harder, and continue to exert so much energy and anxiety that we finally throw up our arms and say ‘Forget it!’  If we don’t change our method we will start to feel crazy.

                We can get caught up into this same pattern with people.  We try to reach out to someone who has rejected us before and it doesn’t work.  We try again, even harder, and they reject us again. So we try again and again, each time exerting more of an effort and exposing more of our heart, only to have that person coldly turn their backs on us and walk away.

                Sometimes it’s appropriate and necessary to turn our efforts away from the individual physically where we are becoming weary and frustrated, and transfer all that energy into prayer where there is power and success.  For those of us who were raised in homes where we tried to get our needs met by parents who were unable to do so, it’s not uncommon for us to keep trying. What we need to understand is that the past is destined to repeat itself without godly intervention. In other words, you cannot get love, acceptance, and affirmation from a source that is incapable of giving it no matter how many times you keep going to it. Apart from God changing that person, they never will be able to fulfill your need.

                When you keep going to an empty source to get your needs met, you are setting yourself up for failure, giving them your power and allowing that individual to control your emotions.  The Bible calls this casting your pearls before swine (Matt. 7:6). Take that power and control back by going to the One who can fulfill all your needs. Second, pray for those who have mistreated you (Matt. 6:28). In both cases, you will find that you are not only setting yourself up for spiritual success, but that you will begin to heal from your past, learn appropriate boundaries, and mature in Christ.

"His love endures forever...praise to the Lord for His unfailing love." Psalm 107:1, 8

 

                Allowing ourselves to receive God's unconditional love is one of the greatest challenges believers face. The truth is, many of us have refused to allow love to be a part of our lives, accepting instead, some worldly imitation that allows us to keep others at arm’s length, while making them believe they hold the keys to our heart.

                We may have been raised with people who controlled us with so-called love that was conditional; as a reward or punishment. Thus, it wasn't safe for us to receive love from these people. The truth be told, we not only NEED love to survive, we desire it. And that deep yearning makes us feel, oh, so uncomfortable, desperate and vulnerable - even to God.

                The bottom-line is we will never be able to receive or accept the love of others until we are able to do so with God. Through Christ's Spirit is the only way we will learn to allow or accept the love of others without fear, anxiety and with trust, and to discern who is safe, and who is in the relationship for the right reasons.

                The first step for us is to stand against the fear, anxiety, lies of the enemy and our past, and surrender to our desire to be loved to the One who can fulfill that desire. For a butterfly to emerge from the cocoon it must, with all its might, push the blood from its small body into the veins in its wings to make them expand. If this process is interrupted or interfered with by man, the butterfly will die. The tender creature must receive from the Creator His power and strength to overcome the insurmountable circumstance before it can fly. It must surrender to God's power and strength.

                We too must surrender our pasts, fears and anxieties to God in order to open ourselves up for His love. Once we do, not unlike the butterfly, His love will fill our spirit and enable us to soar!

“All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’;

anything beyond this comes from the evil one. “

Matthew 5:37

 

                Perhaps the hardest word to say as a Christian is “No”.  We are afraid the other person won’t like us anymore or that we’ll hurt their feelings. If we do muster up enough courage to say “No” we are immediately flanked with guilt.  After all, it isn’t the “Christian” thing to do, right?

                The difficulty is that every time we say “Yes” and don’t mean it we’re lying to the other person and betraying ourselves – and possibly even sacrificing time with our family. Living a life trying to always please people inevitably leads to burn-out, anger and resentment towards others.

                So how can we say “No” and feel confident about ourselves at the same time? First, if someone asks you to do something and you find yourself needing to say “No”, don’t allow guilt to push you into making an instant decision you’ll regret later. Tell the other person you’ll get back to them – and then follow up later.

                Next, really consider whether or not it’s something you want to do or even more importantly something God wants you to do. One of the devils greatest tricks is to get you to overfill your schedule so you don’t have time to do the things you need to do. I often hear women say they’re too busy to pray or read the Bible, however, building a relationship with God needs to be our highest priority if life; it is in His presence that we find strength, joy, peace, and hope for our day. Your marriage and family should be next in line.  So pray about whether or not you should do whatever it is you’re being asked to do.

                If you are scared to say “No” understand that it may take time for you to get comfortable with declining someone when you’re so used to saying “Yes” all the time. It is not rude, nor are you obligated to give anyone a long explanation for your decision.  Matter-of-fact, Matthew 5:37 says, “All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. 

                God takes an oath seriously and that’s exactly what it is when you agree to do something for someone else.  That is why we need to seriously consider the honesty of our response and our ability to carry through, but also whether or not it’s God’s will. We are not our own; we belong to the One who bought us for a price, and our time also belongs to Him. So next time you’re asked to do something to save someone else time, stop and consider whether or not it’s something that will encroach on yours.