“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
John 8:32
Shame is the ultimate betrayer; the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of emotions. It will bury you in guilt, smother you in hopelessness, and suck the life right out of you. Many people wear the coat of shame and are controlled by its ruthless games. Shame is the residual effect of either the harmful behavior of another person (such as an addiction) or through abuse you endured; the rape, sexual abuse, molestation, beatings, and mental and emotional abuse. It’s that feeling deep within you that echo’s your thoughts that tell you that what happened to you is your fault. If only I were a better daughter or son…if only I hadn’t worn that skirt…if only I hadn’t of said ‘hi’…if only I hadn’t sat on Grandpa’s lap…if only I hadn’t ticked him off…if only I didn’t go down that street, if only I hadn’t said ‘no’, if only…It goes on forever, blaming you, accusing you, holding you responsible, and refusing to budge.
Shame has a secret it doesn’t want you to know: you have a choice. You can flank yourself in shame or you can choose to reject it and replace it with truth. The brainwashing that occurred by osmosis after you were wounded must be stood up to. You can do it through the power and strength of the great Physician, Jesus Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells you exactly how to do it. It says; “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” Simply put, you reject the lie that the abuse that was done was your fault by stopping those thoughts in their tracks and replacing them with truth.
For those of us who have grappled with the injustice of shame, the truth can be blurry and even unstable. What exactly is the truth and can I trust it? First of all, although your trust was shattered by others, you can trust God. We call that faith, and it is the combination of two things: belief + trust. If you are a believer, than you believe in God, so you have that aspect down. It’s likely the trust you’ll wrestle with as you heal. You need to know that faith is an action word. In other words, it requires you to do something; to step out of your comfort zone and put your faith (belief + trust) in God. As we well know, it isn’t the flying on the proverbial trapeze in life that’s hard; it’s that moment in time when you let go and are hanging in mid-air before you grab the other trapeze that’s difficult. It requires trust. God will be there to catch you every time. I’ve been a believer for almost twenty years and He has never, ever let me fall.
That being said, the Bible is the believers source of truth and stability. You no longer have to take what someone else has said as truth and wonder compulsively if you can trust them. Just go to the Bible. It has the answer to every question you ask, including what to replace our thoughts with after taking them captive. Philippians 4:8 tells us; “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”
Notice the first thing it tells you to think on: the truth. The truth about your abuse is it’s not your fault; you are not responsible for anyone’s behavior but your own; no matter what you said, no matter what you did, the actions of the other person is there’s to own. While these thoughts may be foreign they are life giving, they are truth, and they are healing. Practice speaking truth to yourself and that coat of shame will fall off of you, never to return.
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