I recently ministered to a believer who stopped going to church years ago after being confronted about a sin in their life. In our conversation the woman confessed that it wasn’t the confrontation of sin in itself that left her wounded, but the manner in which she was confronted. She admitted that the Christian confronting her had degraded her in front of others, told her she was headed straight to hell, and that if she didn’t get her act together, she wouldn’t be her friend any longer. Needless to say, this woman was humiliated, shamed, and walked away feeling worthless and judged. I wish this was an isolated issue, but the truth is, one of the top reasons people stop going to church is because of conflict with another believer. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Conflict and the confrontation of sin in one’s life is inevitable and because of that the Bible has given believers a clear and precise way to deal with it; whether it’s in marriage, a child, a loved one, friend, or another believer, peace and unity should be our number one goal. Unity is so important to God that the Bible tells us that if we are at the altar making a sacrifice to God and we remember that someone else has an offense against us that we should leave our sacrifice at the altar and go and reconcile to our “brother”, then go and offer our gift to God (Matthew 5:23). Furthermore, the following verse encourages us to make peace quickly before things escalate further and get out of control. How we make peace is just as crucial as the goal is to attain it.
In Galatians 6:1 the Apostle Paul imagines a hypothetical situation – which is, as mentioned, not at all infrequent – in which one believer needs to confront another one in sin.
“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
First, Christians should restore the person who has fallen into sin. The verb used here is a medical term used for setting a fractured bone; what is wrong in the life of the fallen Christian must be set straight. It is not to be neglected or exposed openly. Furthermore, to “restore” means to make right spiritually, to help the other believer who is experiencing spiritual death experience spiritual life again.
Second, the work of restoration must be done by those who are “spiritual”. This word cuts two ways. It is obviously related to Paul’s use of it and it’s as if he is asking, “Do you consider yourself to be a spiritual instead of a carnal Christian? Well, then, here is a good test. Restoring an erring Christian is exactly the kind of thing that spiritual Christians do.” But Paul is also reminding his readers that only those who are genuinely led by the Spirit have the maturity to deal with the sin in others. Every Christian should desire such maturity.
Third, the restoration should be made “gently”, being aware that no one is immune to temptation and that everyone can fall. Such an attitude avoids unkind gossip, prevents more serious backsliding, advances the good of the Church, and glorifies the name of Christ. Additionally, the word ‘gently’ is the same word for the Holy Spirit in the Greek. It means to do so in ‘spirit and truth’ with such gentleness that it’s like a soft breath.
Next, there is an order to confrontation. First and foremost, it must be done privately, not publically, between you and the other believer. Matthew 18 admonishes us to try to work things out one-on-one and not to bring another person into the mix unless the person being confronted is not open to changing. Verse 18 says:
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”
One crucial thing to consider when confronting another person is to make sure your heart is clean before the Lord. Matthew 7 tells us to make sure we have removed the “log” from our own eye before we confront someone about the “speck” in theirs (v.1-6).
In closing, I’ve encouraged others over the years to make sure that when they confront others that it is:
1) Bathed in prayer,
2) Encompassed in love, and
3) Delivered in humility
If you truly follow the guidelines God has set before you, you have increased your chances at restoring another believer to Christ and retaining your relationship. If done in the flesh, you may crush another person, and ultimately sin yourself. There’s a spiritual method to confrontation and it begins with loving one another as Christ loves us. Whenever we have conviction, we are given hope, not condemnation. In Christ Jesus, we are to do the same in the lives of others.
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