When I was pregnant with my oldest child, I couldn’t wait to give birth and experience this new life. A month past her due date, the doctors decided to induce labor. I was excited and eager to see the child I’d been carrying for over nine months.
Once the pitocin entered my body and I experienced my first contraction, I wasn’t so excited about induced labor. Hours later, with contractions a minute apart, I was ready to be pregnant the rest of my life, as long as the pain subsided. It seemed like a long time before the doctors allowed me to push and my beautiful daughter was born. Naturally, the pain I’d experienced was overshadowed by the beauty of this child and the experience of being a first-time mom.
When labor ensued with my second child, I was a little bit more prepared than the first time around. The pain was still intense, but I knew that it would end. I knew I’d overcome the difficulty of labor, and that the reward on the other side would be worth every second of the pain.
Such is the case with sin and strongholds. When we’re in the midst of them, it seems as if they will never end. It can be excruciating, and doubt attacks our heart, mind, and spirit. But we cannot give up. We have to believe and trust in God’s Word that we will make it to the other side if we follow His directions and put on the armor of Christ. We will be stronger and closer to Him because of it. Allow me to give you an example.
My mother describes my teenage years and young adulthood as “buck wild.” Due to my behavior, I had many self-inflicted strongholds in my life when I became a believer. In some areas I received tremendous grace from God and was delivered from them immediately. Other areas have been a struggle. God’s grace has been no less sufficient in the latter, but the process has taken longer. Why? First of all, there are generational curses/sin in my family that are ingrained within me. These are strongholds handed down from previous family members. Now, when I counsel others, I often do a ‘generational chart’, which shows such strongholds as: sexual addiction, alcoholism, molestation, and pride. But when we become a believer, those curses are broken by the blood of Jesus. However, we still have to practice freedom in Christ every day, and it takes work, time, and utter dependence upon Christ.
The second reason for continued struggle deals with areas of our lives we don’t really want deliverance from, because the sacrifice is too great or too scary to be released from bondage. Let me explain.
For most of my childhood I was sexually abused by a neighbor and a relative. Since I didn’t have a loving, caring father to teach me appropriate love, I learned to secure that love through other means: by allowing others to take advantage of me. As uncomfortable and painful as the abuse was, in my distorted view, it fulfilled something I longed for, but didn’t receive: love and acceptance.
I believed that if I wanted love and acceptance, I could have it through sex. Doing so heaped a great deal of shame and guilt upon my psyche, but I thought it a fair trade-off. I carried that same belief system into my teen years and early adulthood. When I became a believer I struggled tremendously with this area of my life. For me, it was more than just sex, but casual flirtatious behavior I’d perfected with men. Their attention, in my mind, confirmed that I was attractive, loved, and special. If I flirted with someone who did not respond, I saw it as a challenge to conquer. My entire identity was wrapped up in this behavior. While I never stood on the corner and prostituted myself for money, I certainly did so for love and acceptance. To give this up meant I would have to rely totally on God. I didn’t like being promiscuous or flirtatious with others, and I soon identified it as an outward sign of an inward struggle. It was a symptom of a much greater problem: self-hatred, shame, and lack of self-esteem.
I told myself that I wanted freedom, but did I? Grasping freedom meant letting go of the old behavior, the ‘old’ Leslie, and reaching for the unknown, a promise made, a surety of deliverance. I was scared of who I’d become, or that I’d be left out in the cold by God.
I slowly began to submit my identity, my needs, and my desires to God. As afraid as I was, the Holy Spirit residing within me began to prompt change. I looked for ways to escape flirtatious behavior with men. I avoided eye contact that led others to believe I was available. I shut down open doors as soon as they opened. It was a very difficult process for me to break free from and few of my Christian friends who had not experienced this type of stronghold understood.
In making these changes, I began to understand that my heart was precious to God and should be given to the man He chose for me and no other. I began to see myself the way God did ~ as a gift to be protected and cherished. It took a lot of work and time to remain focused on God and not my insecurities or ungodly desires for attention. I failed many times, but I never gave up, I continued to work on my goal of being delivered. I prayed my way through many lonely nights when I was brutally attacked by the enemy. I cried on many occasions, seeking freedom from God. Eventually, I grew stronger and stronger.
As I continued to walk in deliverance, I became better at defending my honor in Christ. Suddenly, one day I sensed that the Lord wanted to know that I’d been delivered from this abusive behavior. I can’t explain the incredible freedom I felt at the moment. I’ve walked in it since, and I’m closer to God because of it. In the process, I had to learn to rely completely upon Him. It was not easy, but worth the time and effort, I assure you. It is amazing to see the changes in my life as a result.
For some people, the idea of struggling with sexual immorality seems foolish, but we all have areas that are strongholds and generational curses. For some it may be pride, judgment, gossip, alcohol, drugs, or pornography. Maybe you, too, are in bondage, because everything you try to let go of your demon, you are slammed by temptation. I completely understand. I experienced the same thing. Satan doesn’t want you free. He’s going to fight to keep you defeated by slamming your weaknesses into your face. But if you push through and don’t give up, and if you struggle for deliverance, freedom is accessible.
There is a correlation between spiritual deliverance and labor pains. Once you’re on the other side of delivery, the intimacy you experience with Christ is sublime.
No comments:
Post a Comment